i love u..
this is a passage i will start before i move on..
i want to move forward and get back up from where i falls..

getting falls this time is really a hard fall for me..
it was so easy for everything i try.. i never felt it was hard..
it is.. i take every thing so easily..
yes.. i will continue to use full words of message or even email..

that is what you require from me..
the reason why i use my own creation of short forms is i want people to know me.. know who i am .. by bringing my very own personalities.. so special and unique that no one would have..

it was never easy to love you..
you said you gave up so much to love me.. scarifier so much to love me..
i am too.. i bet everything on the table of i have to come here..
i let go the chances to go into local U.. u can say this is very selfish..
but i will never tell you..
you said something i said is to make you felt guilty but not.. i just want you to know..
knowing the truth of why and the moderation i do this.. and did this..i did it..
i manage to come to kl and continue our love..
but never in my mind that this situation of fairytale will end up this way..

i dun want you come to meet me is want you not anything could happen to you.. i love you.. yesh.. u told me that the incident i say no is before the incident of taxi happen.. that is what we call prevention..

i prevent any of the unpleasant situation to happen.. but, no matter how hard i try.. it still happen.. never the blame or the fault on u.. cause, you don't know how much i care.. i speak silently.. i speak endlessly i speak with the language of love..

u said you miss him but in the same time you hates him.. what is that mean? it mean you are not satisfy this man taking advantage of you and letting yourself to make a revenge.. is a attitude to be prevent.. is a kind of madness that will finally destroy yourself.. when it all ends.. all falls apart who is the one who is still picking up the scattered pieces at the back and try to make it all back to become one and pleasure it with all his heart.. i am sure i will do so to you only..

i hope for so much not to happen.. i change my attitude.. i don't know if i have any chance to celebrate lovely time with you as a couple anymore.. maybe what lo chai said is really correct..i will cherish every moment.. every seconds of love.. every love that i manage to handle and love it with love..

now think back.. is it that much love i gave is not happiness.. i going on from morning till night at your home and go work less time is it not a appreciation or a thank you but worries and a lot of worries.. i really did not know.. but now i know..

words of you last night really is a wake up call for me.. knowing what mistake i did all this long.. all this while and love in a wrong way.. today.. my result of life.. FIS result and the result from the meeting of you and him.. which one more scary and important.. neither scary or important.. cause dabie has my whole heart.. nothing in this world matter.. you want to reunite with him? ok.. go ba.. is a choice of your's and i respect it..

but.. i am not happy with the choices you made.. i felt regret and endless of anger.. is this so hard to make the right choice.. is it so hard? people will not always be in the spot light of everyone.. yes, you love the attention and the spotlight but humans will one day grow up.. when that day come.. i hope you know.. u know what i need to do..

is me selfishness had make me play a hard game in here? or is misunderstanding steps in and mess all up.. i don't know.. i wish i could.. i could know.. i wish so hard for ebeything for the best to happen.. i love me.. but me love u..

dabie.. dabie dabie..
i am still loving you.. why??
i don't know.. after so many so many of painless night.. tear-less night..
last night was a night that i cannot sleep.. i stay awake till i saw the sunrise.. i thought it could be a new day for everything except me..
my sadness and loneliness is still there.. is still haunting me..
i wish i could say i love you and end up with my knife into my stomach and all end up just like this..

i wish.. i so much pain but i think this is the pain that i deserve.. let me help you to forget him ok? let me help you out ok ma?

i love dabie koh nguk suan..
i love 许洛萱。。

no more me myself.. going on now..